Tuesday, December 27, 2011


"If you don't risk anything, you risk more." - Erica Jong (I had to Google her name. She's another author of sorts)

So, what does this mean to me? Quite honestly, it makes me think of how Autumn was brought into the world. It goes something like this:
So, Aaron and I had been married for a while, and we had long since determined that we wanted to have a child together. Certainly, Darren and Michael are joys to have in our lives, but we wanted to have just one kid we wouldn't have to share with anyone. Save for the grandparents. And aunts. And uncles. And friends... Anyway, we were both working jobs with crappy schedules and even crappier pay. There were a few, shall we call, riskier months in this timeline, and lo and behold, I found out I was to have a baby in about eight months time.

Truth be told, I simply froke out. I was working at Younkers at the time, and made the mistake of calling the Sheboygan Clinic's lab for my test results from the phone at my cash register. Thank gods the store was pretty slow that day. After the massive breakdown in the lunch room, my manager sent me home for the day. Aaron was sleeping, as he had worked a third shift the night before, and I woke him with the news. He was much more cheerful about it all than I was, though he did his damnest to hide it, given my tearful response.

From there, we both changed jobs, making a schedule where one of us would always be home, therefore not paying for daycare. Neither of us knew if we were going to make enough to make ends meet, and Aaron's job was a temp job that he wasn't very happy in from the word 'go'. But we did it. To this day, we are still making it work.

We frequently say that had we "planned" having our one child, we would have thought ourselves into a corner, and she'd probably still not be here. As Autumn approaches her fourth birthday (EEK!) I can't imagine life any other way.

We took a risk not using birth control for a time. And that's a biggie that has gotten many into, shall we say, trouble. But really, we take smaller risks each day. We drive cars, cross busy streets, drop off kids at daycare, the list goes on. We also allow people into our lives, risking judgement, heartbreak, disappointment, and downright hatred.

So do you really risk more by not taking risks? SURE! I mean, if you're perfectly OK with monotony, boredom, loneliness and predictability, you may disagree. You simply risk missing out. On what? Well, get out there and find out! Don't expect the love of your life to bump into you, or that winning Powerball ticket to be lying on the ground. But maybe you'll find a restaraunt that you never noticed in town, or you'll clear your head enought to remember that one grocery item you forgot to write down. Each risk, each choice, is a small gift. Sometimes it works the way you want, other times not so much. But don't worry. Tomorrow will come soon enough. Don't rush it.

Friday, December 23, 2011

I'm feeling a little salty...

Random topic for today: 10 things I'm pessimistic about.

There is a good reason for this one. I work damn hard to keep a 'glass is half full' mentality. Some days are tougher than others, but I'm frequently in the room stating "it's all good," even when I just got a 56% on a quiz...not that that's happened recently. But I suppose it's healthy to purge your pessimistic thoughts every now and again. Here goes:

1. There are some people in this world who simply will not wake up and change for the better. I've just seen it too many times where people live in a "woe is me" life, and deep down they fucking love it. They love the attention and the "there, there's" they get, so to the point where they have to make up or dig up decades old problems to keep it coming. I'm sorry, but they will die still behaving this way.

2. I don't think I'm ever going to lose the weight I want to. I lose it in spurts, but something in me just doesn't have the willpower to stick to any one plan. There is nothing wrong with me pathologically speaking. I'm just overweight, but I'm just healthy enough to not get diabetes, high blood pressure, high colesterol, etc. Unless something like that happens, I will likely be overweight my whole life. It's just the way it is.

3. Environmentally speaking, the world needs to work harder at taking care of what we have, on a massive level. I don't think I'll see that in this lifetime. That saddens me. I'm blessed to be surrounded by people of a like mind as myself, but I still feel we are in a minority.

4. I doubt I'll ever get to see Europe in my lifetime. Touring the UK and other bits of the continent are definitely things on my bucket list. In reality, I just don't see it happening unless we win the lottery.

5. I want to learn to play guitar. OK, I technically know how to play a few things. But I would hardly call it something worthwhile. Especially since I've owned one for nearly a decade. I just don't see myself getting better than I am now.

6. In school, I'm learning about all these great holistic remedies, natural foods and simply better substances to be putting your body. I simply will never be able to get on such a granola level to make these things my whole life.

7. I will never be able to keep my car clean.

8. Human flaws on massive levels will never go away: The desire to go to war, greed, selfishness.

9. Humanity will never be truly equal. Whether it be categorized by race, gender, sexual preference, religion, anything. There will always be someone who looks down on you for one or more of those reasons, without speaking one word to you. I just don't get it.

10. This is kind of a biggie. So many people see me as someone who works hard for my friends, community and family. Always giving, etc. I'm a lot more selfish and lazy than you think. Yes, we all have human flaws, but I frequently feel like a fraud.

Maybe tomorrow will be the things I'm optimistic about. But that wouldn't be very random, would it?

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Something New: Day 1

So, I've decided I need to find a different outlet for killing time when I'm avoiding homework, studying, cranky children, etc. Facebook, while fun, just ain't cutting it anymore. So, I'm randomly going around finding random topics to write about for just such a person as myself. I'm hoping to use this on a regular basis (whatever that means.) Allons-y!
Write a 20-line rhyming poem about something that really annoys you.

You have lost your right, don't you see?
And that right should not go to me.
But you've made up your mind,
To walk around blind,
A martyr you think you will be.

But others, they're quick to your game,
You think they are to blame.
And the children now suffer,
You think you're they're mother
My dear, it is only a name.

You prat on about doing your best,
Though the time you will not invest.
While we do your job
Even though we feel robbed,
They need a safe home to get rest.

Rest assured, we are far, far from done
And I bet you feel you have won.
We will continue to work
'Til the kids are put first
Silly girl, we've only just begun.

Not gonna lie, that one felt good.