Sunday, November 30, 2008

The Spiral is open, yet unbroken

There is a small group of women that get together once a month at a place in town called Lighthouse Therapy Services. The group is simply called Spiral, and it's, in a nutshell, a hippie gathering. Each time they meet everyone can share what kind of hopes, wishes and energy they wish to bring to the circle, then we drum, chant, sing and whatever else presents itself. It's such a beautiful and spiritual gathering that never feels too intimidating to attend. The last time I went was long before Autumn was ever thought of, and just by "coincidence", I contacted Kathy Alby to ask when the next one was scheduled. As you may have guessed, it was tonight.

I've learned that a healthy lifestyle is more than simply putting better food in your body and exercising more. Mental and spiritual health is crucial for the whole process to come full circle. I've realized that I've been denying myself any sort of spiritual "me time". I don't have a very specific label of what religion I really follow, but whatever it is has kept me going for quite some time, now.

What I love about faith and spirituality, no matter what you believe, is that it's always there waiting for you when you come back for it. At the beginning of the circle I asked to send out supportive energy to myself and Aaron in both our financial situation and our mission to live a healthier lifestyle. Throughout the night I almost physically felt the mental sludge that had been weighing me down lift off of my mind. While standing for another part of the night, I almost felt like I was being lifted off the ground.

At the end of it, I truly feel I'm mentally one step closer to being prepared for the lifestyle transition. At the very least, I got to spend some time with some awesome women, followed by fellowship at Paradigm (a local coffee spot), where I bumped into a few other friends I don't see much. It was worth the trek in the snow.

And now, Autumn has woken up. I haven't seen her much today, so even this will be enjoyable.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Gobble Gobble, One of us...

OK, so that title is a line from a freaky movie that I've never seen, but, ya know, the whole turkey thing and such...

So, I guess the next logical step is to say how my Thanksgiving was. In a word, it was okay. We had one gathering with Aaron's family and one with mine. The one with the in-laws went quite well, actually. The ladies sat together at the table (Autumn included) while the men were spread about. I'm quite fortunate to have in-laws that I like. It totally destroys that whole stereotype of the pain-in-the-ass meddling mother-in-law.

We then went to my grandparents house where my aunt and uncle from Nebraska were staying with their three kids, all age 4 and under. That went fair enough. My grandma made up a couple different casseroles (which my mom hates...she lived on those casseroles most of her younger years). I wasn't a big fan of any of them, but they were ok. The kids were awesome, and Autumn mixed right in.

However, I got a bit of a lecture from my grandpa. I'm not going into details, but we shall say that his concerns were valid, but a holiday gathering was the least appropriate place to have this conversation he could have chosen. Unlike my typical character, I'm still holding a grudge about this. I think that's because I don't expect these sort of feelings to be towards a grandparent. I'm hoping this can get ironed out.

I ended the day with a couple beers and three games of bowling with my brother, Andy (two of which I won!!!). I really miss that guy. He's been working pretty much seven days a week, and Thanksgiving was his one day off. Andy and I have been pretty tight since we were kids. We've always had each others back, and I am truly thankful for him.

Today I navigated the jungle of Black Friday. It actually went quite well. No brawls, and I got the items I set out to get, plus a few more. I planned to get a yoga mat for the baby and me class I had planned to take. Unfortunately the class was cancelled due to a lack of interest. :(

Instead, Autumn and I will be doing "swimming lessons" class together. I put it in quotations because at this point it's basically playing in the water and getting them used to the general feeling. She's a total water baby much like myself, and I'm really looking forward to it.

Today Michael expressed a lot of interest in swimming lessons. They are free with our family YMCA membership, so I'm all for it. This surprises me quite a bit, though, because it was not that long ago he would have a nervous breakdown if water got splashed on his face. Anything to encourage exercise is alright by me.

That's about all the "positive" I can squeeze out of the last couple days. There's been a lot of crap, but I'm doing my best to let that all wash away. The boys are over this weekend and we'll be putting up the tree with them.

Love, Peace and Chicken Grease!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

So much to say, so little time. Strike that, reverse it.

I'm not in a particularly good mood right now. So if you're all bright and cheery, I suggest you stray away from here until tomorrow.

I hate that period when you're in a lousy mood for whatever reason, and you're forced to dwell in it with no outlet. I've found myself in that position many a time while doing deliveries, and that's where I currently sit.

Aaron's out at the Green Room tonight. It's his usual Tuesday night spot where they hold an open mic. I never take issue with him going. We each allow ourselves some time out. Last week we planned to go together for the first time. My mom was going to stay here while Autumn slept. The lack of money and the fact that my mom was going to work a double shift the next day kept us from following through with our plans. This week, no sitter is available and Aaron went on his own as per usual. Just as he was getting ready, a good friend called his cell to say she will be there as well. Now, she's more of a friend of Aaron's than myself, but not by much.

Aaron pointed out, before he left, that there have been plenty of times where I met up with people and he was stuck at home. This is true, and perhaps I'm just being a selfish twit. But I'm still going to be bummed.

I really didn't have a direction I planned to go when I started typing. This is, essentially, my only available outlet. This is just such a lousy way to end what was actually a rather productive day. I handed in my YMCA application, (which I really hope goes through so Autumn and I can participate in a Baby and Me yoga class!) and ran some other needed errands. Though I just realized I forgot to buy toilet paper. You probably didn't need to know that.

I think I might be feeling better. Thanks for sharing in my whiny rant. I think I'm going to go think about how much I hate Twilight to take the edge off...

Monday, November 24, 2008

Confessions of an overweight Pizza (non)Slut

I've been going to a chiropractor since I was pregnant with Autumn. He's a total hippie, which is cool. A few weeks ago, we got talking about my toxic lifestyle. Not sleeping because of Autumn's waking, my lousy diet due to the abundance of free food from the Hut, lack of exercise because I'm a lazy schmuck, your garden-variety crap. My chiro quickly spewed out a laundry list of things I can do to my diet to kick-start a new, healthy lifestyle. It was a bit, OK very overwhelming.

Now, I know I've been overweight most of my life. Many kids I went to school with made a point to remind me of this on a daily basis for many years. I've come to accept my shape, and I've been blessed with a husband who has never made one negative comment on my image. However, after this particular conversation, my weight took a spot on the front burner for the first time in a long time...and stayed there for several weeks.

Today was the first day back to the chiro since. I've been given a packet on a 7-day detox and we'll be further discussing it on Wednesday. Oy! The detox is intense. One day requires not doing any work since you're basically fasting. Me...not work??? I've got a toddler-in-progress and a never-clean house. Adjustments can be made, right?

I've been wanting to re-start our membership at the YMCA, but with Aaron being out of work, the cost just didn't seem feasible. I've found they offer financial assistance. I'm hoping to get that going soon.

I've also been missing out on a small group of women that get together once a month at Lighthouse Therapy who get together for a mish-mosh of drumming, chanting, meditation, and whatever the mood strikes. I thought to call the always wonderful Kathy Alby (organizer of Earthfest, massage therapist and yoga teacher as a few of her titles), and they're actually meeting this Sunday! And it's the organizer's birthday, so we get a little coffee house time afterwords. How perfect!

I've concluded that a dedication to weight loss and a healthier lifestyle is much like quitting smoking; you truly need to have your head and heart into it. I've watched Aaron try this many times, and the most successful attempts have been on his terms and no one else's. He's gone 2 months now, and (as far as I know) it's going pretty well. I'm proud of him. At any rate, it's a total change that involves every aspect of everyday life that not only requires the physical change in diet and activity, but your spirit must be 'in it to win it.' I hope these re-connections will allow me to listen to my own body better than I have been. I also hope it will allow me to be a better mother, wife, and human being. I owe it to myself to be healthy, and to be a better example for my daughter.

But first, I'll savor every bite on Thursday.