"If you don't risk anything, you risk more." - Erica Jong (I had to Google her name. She's another author of sorts)
So, what does this mean to me? Quite honestly, it makes me think of how Autumn was brought into the world. It goes something like this:
So, Aaron and I had been married for a while, and we had long since determined that we wanted to have a child together. Certainly, Darren and Michael are joys to have in our lives, but we wanted to have just one kid we wouldn't have to share with anyone. Save for the grandparents. And aunts. And uncles. And friends... Anyway, we were both working jobs with crappy schedules and even crappier pay. There were a few, shall we call, riskier months in this timeline, and lo and behold, I found out I was to have a baby in about eight months time.
Truth be told, I simply froke out. I was working at Younkers at the time, and made the mistake of calling the Sheboygan Clinic's lab for my test results from the phone at my cash register. Thank gods the store was pretty slow that day. After the massive breakdown in the lunch room, my manager sent me home for the day. Aaron was sleeping, as he had worked a third shift the night before, and I woke him with the news. He was much more cheerful about it all than I was, though he did his damnest to hide it, given my tearful response.
From there, we both changed jobs, making a schedule where one of us would always be home, therefore not paying for daycare. Neither of us knew if we were going to make enough to make ends meet, and Aaron's job was a temp job that he wasn't very happy in from the word 'go'. But we did it. To this day, we are still making it work.
We frequently say that had we "planned" having our one child, we would have thought ourselves into a corner, and she'd probably still not be here. As Autumn approaches her fourth birthday (EEK!) I can't imagine life any other way.
We took a risk not using birth control for a time. And that's a biggie that has gotten many into, shall we say, trouble. But really, we take smaller risks each day. We drive cars, cross busy streets, drop off kids at daycare, the list goes on. We also allow people into our lives, risking judgement, heartbreak, disappointment, and downright hatred.
So do you really risk more by not taking risks? SURE! I mean, if you're perfectly OK with monotony, boredom, loneliness and predictability, you may disagree. You simply risk missing out. On what? Well, get out there and find out! Don't expect the love of your life to bump into you, or that winning Powerball ticket to be lying on the ground. But maybe you'll find a restaraunt that you never noticed in town, or you'll clear your head enought to remember that one grocery item you forgot to write down. Each risk, each choice, is a small gift. Sometimes it works the way you want, other times not so much. But don't worry. Tomorrow will come soon enough. Don't rush it.