Saturday, January 24, 2009

I need a label-maker. Mine's broken.

I've often been found saying that I hate giving myself a label of any kind. The big "non-label" that I deal with is my religion. I call myself Pagan, but it's really a mish-mosh with heavy Pagan roots.

Some labels I don't mind; Mom, wife, daughter, friend. These roles are very important to me, and I take great pride in them.

In the midst of all the chaos yesterday, one of my managers at the Hut, Dan, and I had a talk in regards to a situation where I felt some of the younger 'kids' at work were being favored. (I swear, there's a connection, here. Bear with me.) One issue I have at work, and this happens in the world in general, is that there are workers who are considered screw-ups, goof-offs and things of the like. When they go through a whole day of work with out any major snafus, they get a hearty pat on the back. The rest of us are expected to maintain a higher standard of work ethic, so it's harder to receive recognition for much of anything.

So here's where the two merge. I wonder where I stand in the workplace and in the world amongst strangers, at the bars, as an example. I'm not the model employee, I know this, but I don't screw up or goof off as much as some. I'm somewhere in the middle. I stayed two extra hours at work last night because I felt it was only fair to have the dining room properly prepared for the opening waitress. For many there would be a big "wow" factor, but for me, it's just what is expected. When I go out to the bars by myself, I have my circle of acquaintances, which I'm just fine with. I sing karaoke, and I'm pretty fair at it. I'll never make it to American Idol, but I can carry a tune. As I mentioned yesterday, there's one guy I see regularly who I like to label the "ultimate entertainer." He looks goofy when he's up singing, but not in a way where you take pity on the guy. He's genuinely fun.

I'm not extraordinarily good at any one thing. To use a cliche, I'm a "Jane-of-all-trades, master of none." I help organize Earthfest, I've performed in plays, but never have I been the head of an event or a lead role. If the world's a stage, I'm "girl #2".

At the same time, I know to be careful what I wish for. Many guys at my school knew who I was back in my high school days, and it was only because they had to know my name to make some god-awful variation to call me fat or ugly.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, my husband constantly reminds me of how wonderful of a mother and wife I am to this family. It's certainly not that I don't appreciate the recognition. And I'm proud beyond belief of being the mother of an extraordinary daughter. I guess I just wish I had a bit more to go off of.

Off to bed, yet again, at a late hour. Hopefully tomorrow will bring a bit of cold sunshine. (no, seriously, we're looking at a high of 10 for tomorrow.)

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